What It Takes Blog Series #3: My Journey to Hope, Love and Freedom

Note: This is the third post in DASH’s ongoing What It Takes blog series, which examines and explains the various factors that make getting safe from abuse so difficult. Each post explores factors that survivors have to navigate on their journey to finding safety. Learn more about the campaign at the What It Takes page, and please spread the word: #WhatItTakesDC.

This is a guest post from a current DASH resident.

I remember sitting down just wanting to cry full of anger, frustration and heartache, only nothing would come. I was so numb, so hurt I didn’t know who I was or how I even got here or what I was going to do. I just kept going, kept moving. I had so much to do. I had to be everything for everyone. I couldn’t be what I needed to be for myself. I could no longer take off the mask, it was who I became.

I began to realize that this abuse stemmed from childhood abuse. I started going to the Lighthouse for counseling and at first I wore my mask there too, but I started to crack and the pieces I had been trying to hold together began to shatter until I could no longer salvage it.

Throughout my abuse I kept records, I would constantly take pictures, write letters to use as documentation and I would go to the ER just to get a record.

My counselor at the Lighthouse referred me to the Housing Resource Clinic and I was hesitant at first but I went just to inquire. The staff was so welcoming but it still felt uncomfortable. I took the info I needed and began to plan as things began to get worse at home, not just for me, but for my children. My abuser cut my gas off then next the lights. I began to get harassed at work. The more I tried to do better, the more I felt defeated. I was so tired, so embarrassed I didn’t know what to do. I looked into my children’s eyes and saw so much hurt and anger. They became resentful of me and aggressive. I remember going to bed crying every night.

The more I tried to do better, the more I felt defeated. I was so tired, so embarrassed I didn’t know what to do.

The next week I showed up at the Housing Resource Clinic again. I researched programs, I was determined, I kept calling. Finally, after some months, DASH had an opening in their Cornerstone emergency safe housing program, “We have space, you can move in.” Those simple words echoed in my head. It felt unreal.

I was hesitant of everything. I moved in first and stayed for a week before I allowed my kids to come to make sure it was safe. I was so depressed I sat on the floor for hours crying. I felt like a horrible mother. I remember when I first came I looked around Cornerstone and everyone seemed ok, I felt so alone and out of place. Later I came to the realization that the other women were also wearing masks.

I went to DASH with a purpose, we are going to be healed. I don’t care if we have anything else, but we are going to be healed. I didn’t understand how it was going to happen or even what healing was but I was determined.

At first it seemed like things were getting worse, but it had to feel worse before it got better. I had to be retaught from my thinking to my true feelings to get to the root of the issue.

It was the most important, life changing thing that happened to me. I began to relearn me. I began to love me and be the best person I could be to me and my children. I was blessed to have come across DASH. It has allowed me to heal. DASH allowed me to be able to hear my own voice and recognize where I was mentally, psychologically and even emotionally.

My advice:

Start today, trust yourself again, love yourself again. Know that you deserve the best. Your life depends on you. Be determined.

#Yourfuturedependsonyou

Take Action:

You can learn more about what it takes for survivors to get safe at WhatItTakes.org or donate to DASH to support access to safe housing for survivors here.

Safe Housing Champion: Ad 2 DC

Anchor Award

In construction, an “anchor” provides structural reinforcement for the walls of the building, which perfectly describes what Ad 2 DC has done for the DASH brand. By strengthening our marketing and communications strategy they have both made our services more accessible and increased awareness of DASH and domestic violence as a community issue. Through their consistent and enthusiastic support, Ad 2 DC has made DASH a more capable organization better able to communicate our mission and values.

What is the purpose of the Ad 2 DC Public Service Campaign and why was DASH chosen this year?

– The goal of the Ad 2 DC Public Service Campaign is to find a non-profit organization who is in need of some additional advertising help. We give advertising professionals a way to help the community and boost their experience. It’s important to us that we can support the community we live in and make a difference to a local organization. We chose DASH because we saw an opportunity to work with an organization that has a really important mission and a unique business model. We also thought that DASH would be a really great organization to work with from a personal perspective as everyone seemed really nice and open to ideas!

What were are some of the unique challenges that the committee has dealt with in creating a domestic violence campaign?

– A major challenge the committee has had this year is playing the fine line between being provocative but also respecting the feelings of domestic violence survivors. It’s important to us to reach donors and audiences that might not know a lot about domestic violence by sharing the complexities involved in staying safe in a domestic violence situation. Domestic Violence is a very sensitive subject and we have to keep a very close on how we phrase things.

Why is raising awareness about domestic violence and safe housing important?

– We think it’s important to raise awareness about DV and safe housing because housing is such a critical aspect in feeling safe. If you are in a DV situation the first thing to consider is where to go. I think it is also important since domestic violence is becoming more and more spoken about that we raise awareness about the resources available.

What is a highlight from the DASH/Ad 2 DC partnership thus far?

– We have had a great time working with DASH so far. I think shooting the PSA commercial was a really neat experience. We were able to find actors on a volunteer basis and create something really great to share with the DC residents.

The Power of #SurvivorLoveLetters

Note: This is the first post in a new blog series by DASH called ‘Domestic Violence Matters’, which discusses current events and media coverage of domestic and sexual violence. We believe that empowering, provocative, and original media and storytelling must play a critical role in helping to overcome domestic violence in our society.

A new campaign, #SurvivorLoveLetter, displays love letters to survivors of sexual assault. The campaign was originally organized as an exercise of healing for survivors, it has spread quickly and widened in scope. Now, family members, friends and even strangers are contributing their love letters to show their support of survivors of sexual violence. In her recent Huffington Post piece, Tani Ikeda, the organizer of the campaign, described it as the start of movement, “Survivor Love Letter enables us to talk about what survivorship really looks like. Through this growing collection of love letters, maybe we can build strategies for the ways we heal ourselves and our communities. I hope sharing our real stories makes other people feel that there is no one right way to heal.”

“I hope sharing our real stories makes other people feel that there is no one right way to heal.” – Tani Ikeda

We love this campaign. The dialogue surrounding sexual and domestic violence is too often clouded by judgement and fear or controlled by outsiders. This campaign not only magnifies the voices of actual survivors, it also sends a message of hope, love and healing. Using Tumblr as the platform for the campaign allows survivors to speak out on their terms, preserving safety and anonymity. They get to control the narrative – with no journalists or marketing professionals inserting their own, however well intentioned, agendas.

Sexual assault is immensely sad, as well as mind numbing, infuriating and sickening. But there is hope for healing, healing that can only happen on the terms of the survivors.

Below some letters that spoke to us – but there are hundreds more at http://survivorloveletter.tumblr.com.

http://survivorloveletter.tumblr.com/post/117144623019

http://survivorloveletter.tumblr.com/post/117049517869/dear-17-year-old-me-whats-happening-to-you

http://survivorloveletter.tumblr.com/post/117134328559/dear-survivor-here-is-an-exhaustive-list-of

http://survivorloveletter.tumblr.com/post/117140478674

http://survivorloveletter.tumblr.com/post/117136388464/dear-queer-survivor

http://survivorloveletter.tumblr.com/post/116985083674

http://survivorloveletter.tumblr.com/post/117144631504

DASH is an innovator in providing access to safe housing and services to survivors of domestic and sexual violence and their families as they rebuild their lives on their own terms.

What It Takes Blog Series #1: Finding Safety vs. Leaving, the Case for Safety Planning

Note: This is the first post in DASH’s ongoing What It Takes blog series, which examines and explains the various factors that make getting safe from abuse so difficult. Each post explores factors that survivors have to navigate on their journey to finding safety. Learn more about the campaign at the What It Takes page, and please spread the word: WhatItTakesDC.

Most people think that in order to get safe from abuse, victims of domestic violence should just leave their abusers, that separation is the solution. The reality however, is that leaving is a complicated, dangerous process that takes time and planning.

At DASH we don’t require survivors of domestic violence to leave their abuser in order to access our services. We do this because empowerment is an integral part of our model, but also because it just doesn’t work, mandating the behavior of adults rarely does. Instead, we focus on safety, we want the victims we work with to be as safe as possible in whatever choice they make. For some this is controversial – but for us it’s a natural component of the culture of trust we’ve built at DASH.

For this reason, we are very intentional about the language in the What It Takes campaign, we want to address the misconception that all victims of abuse “should just leave,” but we also want to push back on the idea that leaving is the best option for everyone. It’s important to acknowledge the reality that not everybody leaves – and it is just as vital for those who stay in abusive relationships to find safety. Our Clinical Director, Emma Kupferman put it best when she said, “If we are really going to fight the epidemic of domestic violence, we have to be there to support all survivors, not just those who have left.”

Leaving is the most dangerous time for victims of domestic violence, it takes planning and an immense amount of foresight. Before leaving, survivors need access to housing, stable finances, important documents and reliable transportation among others. Another big barrier for survivors who want to leave is fear – and for good reason, 75% of domestic violence related homicides occur when the survivor is trying to leave. In these situations the abuser will go to extreme lengths in order to maintain power over their partner.

For survivors who decide to stay in their relationships – and many do – safety planning is crucial. Safety plans are based on the individual situation of the survivor, there is no one size fits all plan for staying safe. Survivors are asked to think about where they feel safe in their home, different things that trigger their abuser as well as people they trust that they can reach out to in emergencies. An example of a safety plan can be found here.

We are not advocating that survivors stay in abusive relationships – we are advocating for support and access to services for all survivors, no matter their situation.

Learn More

You can learn more about what it takes for survivors to get safe at WhatItTakes.com or register to attend our upcoming fundraiser, Allies in Change.
If you or someone you know is in need of safety planning, attend the Housing Resource Clinic or reach out to a DASH advocate at 202-462-3274 x 104.

Safe Housing Champion: Mary Braxton

Building Brick Award

We are excited to award Mary Braxton, Assistant Community Manager at Edgewood Commons, with the “Building Brick” award. In construction, the “building brick” is that which makes up the substance of the structure. Mary Braxton’s help to ensure that the families at DASH are provided with more than just a safe place to run, but the ability to establish new homes – quickly, easily, and comfortably, the way a home should be – helps changes lives.

How did you first become connected to DASH?

My first connection with DASH was around the beginning of 2014 while working at another Edgewood Managed property. I was online researching housing programs for victims of Domestic Violence to assist a resident that was dealing with a serious domestic issue with her family and I came across a link (http://www.endhomelessness.org/library/entry/dashs-empowerment-project-rapid-re-housing-for-survivors-of-domestic-violen ). I clicked on the link it was an article about DASH. I then googled DASH to get the contact information. I reached out to DASH to get more information and I started referring residents to them.

What has DASH’s impact been on the survivors of domestic violence you work with?

DASH has had a tremendous impact on the survivors I work with. The financial assistance that DASH has provided to survivors it has enable them to maintain their affordable housing and most are now receiving counseling from other sources. Unfortunately, due to the type of work I do I’m unable to provide specific stories.

From your perspective as a property manager, what are some of the unique challenges that survivors of domestic violence face when looking for affordable housing?

The greatest challenge survivors face is having good credit. Many of the survivors I work with depended on their abusers for financial assistance to pay their rent . Once the abuser leaves then the survivor can no longer rely on that source for assistance. Unfortunately, it’s a trickle-down effect and they’re not able to pay the rent on time and as a result I have to sue them. Every time they’re sued it’s reported to the credit bureau and then their credit is negatively impacted. When the survivor goes to look for affordable housing the first thing that is checked is their rental and credit history. Most HUD funded properties will not accept applicants with negative rental history.

Why do you think that safe housing is an important service for survivors of domestic violence in DC?

I think safe housing is an extremely important service for survivors because it allows them time to get themselves together and reflect on their situation. Without safe housing they will not be able to move forward with their recovery.

6 Reasons to Attend Allies in Change; Part 2

Join us at Allies in Change as we honor the people and organizations that make a difference at DASH. Need a reason to buy a ticket? We’ve got six good ones. See part 1 here.

4. Hear a Survivor’s Story. Our Special Guest Speaker will be a DASH survivor who will share her story and courageous efforts to escape from abuse and rebuild her life.

5. Take snapshots in our photo booth! Thanks to MOI Inc. our photo booth sponsor!

6. Support Safe Housing. At DASH we believe that safe housing should be a right shared by everyone. Help us make that a reality, buy a ticket today.

Join us on April 30th, go to our event page for tickets and information.

6 Reasons to Attend Allies in Change; Part 1

Join us at Allies in Change as we honor the people and organizations that make a difference at DASH. Need a reason to buy a ticket? We’ve got six good ones.

1. A chance to stay at the Luxurious Jefferson Hotel. We have some amazing Silent Auction items this year – including a one-night weekend stay for two in a Deluxe King Guest Room with breakfast valued at $500.

2. It’s the Allies in Change 5th anniversary! In the last 5 years, with the help of DASH supporters, we have grown by leaps and bounds in our capacity to safely house survivors of domestic violence. Come honor the individuals and organizations that have made our growth possible – being DC’s largest dedicated safe housing provider.

3. We’ll be showcasing the #WhatitTakesDC campaign. For the last 6 months we have been working with Ad 2 DC on videos and materials designed to raise awareness about DASH services and highlight the challenges that survivors often face when trying to find safety.

Join us on April 30th, buy your ticket today.

Not convinced? Stay tuned for part 2 next week!

Safe Housing Champion: Princess McDuffie

Support Beam Award

We are excited to award Princess McDuffie with the Support Beam award at our 5th annual Allies in Change benefit on April 30th. In construction, the “support beam” is that which steadies and strengthens a structure. Mrs. McDuffie has helped to strengthen and steady the lives of the youngest survivors of abuse – children – with fun, creative expression and have truly made a difference in the lives of those recovering from trauma, and we and the families that we serve are all better for it.

Interview with Awardee, Princess McDuffie

What brought you to the DASH Art Group? I have worked in the domestic violence field for the past 13 years and I have always had a love for creative arts. I was able to merge my passion of working with survivors of domestic violence and my creativity when I saw an advertisement for help needed in the Art Group at DASH.

Why do you think Art Group is an important program at DASH? Children need to be exposed to the arts. They should be able to be creative and have a place that allows them to be expressive. The trauma of domestic violence on children can have a lasting impact on them and having an Art Group gives children the development, growth, and outlet needed to overcome the obstacles that domestic violence may have placed upon them.

What is your favorite Art Project that you have worked on with the kids? I enjoyed working on the framed art projects that were showcased during the DASH Open House as well as the BalderDASH Reception. These items captured the children’s hard work and efforts and they were bid on and purchased by several donors. Personally, I was able to bid and snag a couple of the art pieces at BalderDASH to showcase in the office and at home. They are great conversation starters for guests and colleagues about the great work at DASH.

Why do you think safe housing is an important service in DC? Safe housing allows survivors of domestic violence to continue with their daily lives, have a place that they can call home, and be able to have support and advocacy in the fight against domestic violence.

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DASH is an innovator in providing access to safe housing and services to survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault and their families as they rebuild their lives on their own terms.

DASH February Events

The District Alliance for Safe Housing is excited to announce a number of new events and partnerships this February!

2/14: The Valengrinds Day Massacre

Join us on Valentine’s Day for a head banging concert to remember at the Rocketship featuring everyone from Cold Blue Mountain to Clay Davis. For more info check out the Facebook Event.

2/17: Fat Tuesday Beer Tasting at the Red Derby

We’ve got a great event for our beer lovers out there! Oskar Blues presents Dale’s Firkin (What’s a firkin?) with $4 pours starting at 5pm. Get a chance to meet the brewers and discuss fermentation processes, craft beers and micro breweries. All proceeds go to DASH.

2/21: Selfish Dreams Beauty Expo and Fashion Show

The Chicara’s Dreams team is hosting a fashion show and free beauty expo to benefit DASH on February 21st. To purchase a ticket to the fashion show and for more info check out the event page.

2/25: Water Cooler Wednesday

Ad 2 DC is hosting a happy hour at Penn Social to raise funds for the special campaign they are putting on for DASH this spring. More info can be found here.

DASHing into the Community: 1

Art Group Profile: Amanda

We are starting a new monthly blog featuring the community partners and volunteers who contribute so much to the success of the DASH safe housing programs. Amanda volunteers every week in the children’s Art Group. Read below to see what her favorite art project has been!

1. Why did you decide to start volunteering with DASH?

I’ve always had a passion for volunteering. When I moved to DC two years ago, I was looking for volunteer opportunities that were consistent and that I could really make a commitment to. I first heard about DASH from one of my friends who was a volunteer. I was definitely interested in volunteering here based on what a great organization DASH seemed to be. I also have always had a passion for art. So when an opportunity presented itself to volunteer on a weekly basis for Art Group, it seemed like it could be a really good fit. After the first Tuesday night of volunteering for Art Group, I knew that it was actually a great fit!

2. What is your favorite Art Project that you have created in group thus far?

I really thought about this question, and what I continuously went back to was when we made snowflakes right before the Holidays. No matter what age the children were, this project presented no requirements or restrictions, like painting in the lines, etc. They could fold the pieces of paper into any type of fold, could fold it in half, or fold it ten times, and they could cut whatever shapes they wanted to into it. No matter what, the end result was a beautiful snowflake. To me, this project really portrayed what art should be; a way to express yourself through creation. Furthermore, it was wonderful to see how excited and proud the children were when we hung the snowflakes up all over the room.

3. What’s your favorite thing about volunteering with Art Group?

Seeing what the kids create from week to week, and how they’re able to express themselves through art. Selfishly, I would also say that it forces me to focus on and appreciate the here and now and leave everything else at the door for at least an hour and a half. I think sometimes the focus and appreciation of the present gets lost in the busy shuffle of everyday life. It also provides a humbling reminder on a weekly basis of what matters most; the importance of community and taking care of one another in that community.

4. Why do you think that Art Group is an important program at DASH?

As cliche as this sounds, to me, art can be therapeutic on a diversity of levels. If you’re having a bad day or whatever you may be going through, doing art on any level – whether it’s painting, cutting shapes, coloring, or creating a Monet-like masterpiece; it forces you to focus on what you are doing in that moment and takes your mind off of everything else, if even for a short period of time. Basically, it’s like a breath of fresh air for your mind.

Art Group at DASH is important because for an hour and a half, it provides an opportunity for the kids – no matter what their age is – to focus on creating something that is completely unrelated to anything else, and provides that mental breath of fresh air. Further, I think that through creating something like a piece of artwork that they are excited about and proud of, it helps build their confidence through a tremendously fun mechanism.

Donate to DASH today! Your support empowers survivors and their families across the DC region.

Mari